Shit the Bed Sunday by the ‘Burghers.

Or, the Super Bowl of Schadenfreude.

Let us have commemorative flags for all our autos — black and gold in color, obviously — calling out the feats of infamy yesterday carried off by the heroes of our friends from Western Pennsylvania.

Up and down Wisconsin and Connecticut Avenues, on the Beltway and in both directions of I-66, each and every February 6 hereafter these memorial car flags would proudly hail our empathy:

’2/6: Way to come up small, ‘Burghers’

Twice in the span of 10 hours yesterday the twin claimants to civic pride in Pittsburgh staked claim to significant glory, in both instances on national television. Both came up short. For Washingtonians, in novelty and euphoria, it was like weekend ski lodge hot tubbing with super model twins. Let us give thanks that Big Ben wasn’t in our hot tub with our girls.

One of the Penguins — perhaps it was Tyler Kennedy, or worse, Max Talbot — went on television Friday night in the immediacy of his team’s triumph over Buffalo and boldly predicted victory at Verizon Center Sunday, before settling in with Terrible Towels for the other big game. Instead, Terrible Tears were absorbed by the hankies.

What other jurisdiction holds on to the same handcloths for generations?

It wasn’t a Super Sunday of much shakiness for Michal Nuevirth, was it, Coach Bylsma?

“Before the game, I remembered when he said that,” Neuvy told the media in yesterday’s postgame, alluding to the Pens’ coach and his HBO-aired snipe at the Caps’ young goalie, “and I kind of looked at him during the warm-up and told myself that I got to shut these guys out tonight.”

Mission accomplished.

Pittsburgh has no hoops team, of course, and Washington of course has no professional basketball team, but by 10:00 last night you got the feeling that if Pittsburgh had a team and if they’d hosted the Wizards yesterday, our beleaguered hoopsters would have notched their first road win of the season. Victory yesterday just wasn’t meant to be achieved by this locale, with so much at stake. Let’s be thankful there wasn’t a Middle East peace summit in Pittsburgh over the weekend.

Try and argue to the contrary: February 6, 2011, must rank as the most wretched and vexing sports day for the mulleted and Iron City swilling in the history of that city. Next up for them on the sporting calendar: opening day for the Pirates.

It is our birthright as Washingtonians, native or naturalized, to luxuriate in the agony of Western Pennsylvanians in such moments. Nobody put a gun to their heads and ordered them to wear their Steelers’ jerseys all weekend long in our pancake houses, or graffiti-ing the aisles of our supermarkets with their obscene fashion. It seems uniquely the psychology of the citizen of the mid-sized, Rust-belt American town: come to the big city (where there’s work) and presume that we your employer are impressed by displays of your out-of-town sports allegiance. The irony of course is that you want credit for association with the town you abandoned.  To be thought of as some super-fan whilst . . . a refugee. We locals however most respect those who toughed it out, the resolutely indigenous who manage to work and raise families and fill the rink and stadium of their local heroes. Those are the true super-fans.

I’m going to infer from Christina Aguilera’s national anthem performance that she has deep roots in Pittsburgh.

On the two most significant weekends to date for ‘Burghers in 2011 the Capitals have played serious spoilers in both.

In your offices and schools here this week expect some manner of wounded-chatter from the towel-toting themed on how they were proud just to have advanced to so notable a stage as Sunday delivered. Reply: That is the talk of losers.

Tell them also: your quarterback is a predator, keep him away from my daughter, and assuming Sidney is returned to the lineup on February 21, tell him to skate with his head up.

We’ve provided a few favorite/classic taunts below. I overhead my [Mike's] personal favorite about 6 years ago in Section 426, shouted in impressively loud fashion by a woman who was at least 70 years old if she was a day: “Hey ref — you must be pregnant, ’cause you’ve missed three periods!”
How do you let the refs know their job performance is sub-par? Or what’s one of your all-time favorites you’ve overheard? Omit the profanity (feel free to use the %*#$ing symbols if need be) and please no racist/homophobic/etc. insults . . . but even within those guidelines you still have plenty of room to share delightfully dastardly taunts with your fellow readers.
We’ll select two favorites among the submissions and award each winner with an OFB goody. Help us fill out the list to a Dirty Dozen. Submissions accepted until 5:00 PM Eastern on Monday, August 11 ‚Äî so taunt early, taunt often!

• If you had another eye you’d be a cyclops!
• Save a Deer: Shoot a Zebra
• Hey ref ‚Äî you must be pregnant, ’cause you’ve missed three periods!
• Have another doughnut! (courtesy of Jim Schoenfeld)
• BULLLLL-SH*T! (Hershey Giant Center version)
• Bend over and use your good eye!
• Hey ref, I thought only horses slept standing up!
• I hope you die in a fire! (overheard in Philly, of course)
• I’m blind, I’m deaf, I want to be a ref!
• Hey ref, I’m leaving with your wife — even she’s disgusted with you.
• ________ (add yours as a comment)

And if you don’t wish to rely on Lady Luck (or our fickle judging) for OFB loot, feel free to check out our store.

“NYI-On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the worst they are in negative numbers.
“I was at the draft party. The place was furious when they traded the 5th pick, but when they got nothing of value back from the Leaf’s the place really started to flip out.
“Then when the Isles traded the 7th pick to the Preds‚Äîagain for nothing much in return‚Äîof the 1,000 or so fans in attendence‚Äîat least 500 got up and walked out in disgust and silence. They did not even boo.
“When they selected Bailey‚Äîyou could hear a rat piss on cotton in Argentina. Then‚Äîeveryone left in disgust.”

At least the Isles, eventually, belatedly, made some selections. Pittsburgh goes on the clock for the first time late this Tuesday morning. In this draft, you just wanted to be in the mix (and not, like Garth Snow, trying to trade out of it), with some picks among the top 75 or so prospects. The Caps were, they had a specific strategy — players targeted for the team’s draft positions — and they landed their targets.
In their last five drafts, the Caps have accumulated 10 first-round picks. And if you listened to General Manager George McPhee’s post-draft reflections on Saturday, he’d have you believe there’s an 11th in the tally — Dmitry Kugryskev, a CSKA-2 teammate of sixth-overall selection Nikita Filatov.
“We thought he may have gone somewhere in the first round,” McPhee said after Saturday’s drafting has been completed. Alluding to the absence of a transfer agreement with Russia, McPhee added that Kugryskev certainly would have gone higher “in the old NHL.”
Over the weekend McPhee also noted that the Caps enjoy a distinct drafting advantage by virtue of having Alexander Ovechkin. While most other organizations in rounds 1 and 2 will understandably be wary of selecting Russians then in the absence of a transfer agreement, and now the formation of the Continental Hockey League as a bigger, better-paying version of the RSL, the Caps as they interview Russian prospects can gauge interest in the youngsters’ willinginess to come over and skate with their nation’s hero. Kugryskev is one such prospect.
“I dream about the NHL every day of my life. It’s my dream,” Kugryskev said recently.
With respect to his new Russian winger, McPhee probably wasn’t just whistling that 30-team, post-draft sunshine tune that’s a staple of every draft’s conclusion, either. Last season the right winger scored 58 points in 35 games with CSKA-2. His lottery pick teammate Filatov had 66 points in 34 games. He’s renowed for his worth ethic.
The Capitals were going to trade out of round 1 Friday if neither of Anton Gustafsson nor John Carlson had been available. They landed both. They also had multiple trade offers when their turn came up late in round 2. McPhee actually called a timeout to ponder them but ultimately judged what was available (Kugryskev and Eric Mestery) as more valuable. So the Caps landed their primary targets and then, while with offers in hand to move away from the draft’s still rich realm, they judged their draft list delivering them better value and they selected, solidly.
The Carlson selection in particular may prove to be a sage one. Already blessed with a pro physique, the mobile, two-way reargruard was an intrigue prospect for this draft. His size and all-around game drew universal commendation from NHL organizations, but competing in the United States Hockey League, and competing in a draft chock full of bluechip defenders, Carlson was a candidate to be there late in round one.
Charlie Skjodt, his coach with the Indiana Ice of the USHL, told the Newark Star-Ledger before the draft, “I’d be shocked if he isn’t selected in the first round . . . without a doubt, he’s going to be a star in the NHL.” Carlson’s already served as an assistant captain on a U.S. select team and is likely a strong candidate to represent the U.S. in future World Under-20 tourneys.
The Capitals are currently ranked sixth by Hockeysfuture for the strength of their prospect holdings. If you’re at the very top of that list it likely means you’re drafting too high, too often too consecutively each June. With their work this past weekend the Capitals are a safe bet to remain in the top 10 of the HF ranking. That seems about where they’d want to be: not a lottery regular but with a farm chock full of promise and able fill-ins for injured players on the parent roster. And it’s this quality and depth that is central to the Caps’ tenet of building and replenishing largely from within.
It’s worth noting, too, the success the Caps are now having in drafts’ later rounds. Among recent signees are Mathieu Perreault (6th round, ’06), Oskar Osala (4th round, ’06), Andrew Joudrey (8th round, ’03), Daren Maschesney (5th round, ’05), Patrick McNeill (4th round, ’05), Travis Morin (9th round, ’04), and Andrew Gordon (7th round, ’04).
The Capitals today are an experienced drafting organization; McPhee and Ross Mahoney have been together 10 years now. They’ve made their share of mistakes in June in years past, which the GM has aknowledged, but they’re enjoying more success these days. That continued this past weekend in Ottawa.

ENTRY DRAFT ORDER OF SELECTION NOTES
Round 1

• Pick 29 (Pittsburgh to Atlanta): Pittsburgh traded RW Colby Armstrong, C Erik Christensen, C Angelo Esposito and its 1st-round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft to Atlanta for RW Marian Hossa and RW Pascal Dupuis (Feb. 26, 2008).

Round 2

• Pick 57 (San Jose to Washington): San Jose traded Carolina’s 2nd-round pick in the 2007 Entry Draft (previously acquired) and San Jose’s 2nd-round pick in 2008 to Washington for Buffalo’s 1st-round pick in 2007 (previously acquired) (June 22, 2007).
• Pick 58 (Philadelphia to Washington): Washington traded Carolina’s 2nd-round pick in the 2007 Entry Draft (previously acquired) to Philadelphia for Nashville’s 3rd-round pick in 2007 (previously acquired) and Philadelphia’s 2nd-round pick in 2008 (June 23, 2007).

Round 3

• Pick 90 (Pittsburgh to Phoenix): Pittsburgh traded LW Dan Carcillo and its 3rd-round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft to Phoenix for RW Georges Laraque (Feb. 27, 2007).

Round 4

• Pick 93 (Los Angeles to Washington): Washington traded its 4th-round pick in the 2007 Entry Draft to Los Angeles for Los Angeles’ 6th-round pick in 2007 and 4th-round pick in 2008 (June 23, 2007).
• Pick 114 (Washington to Boston, conditional to Calgary):
  (1) Washington to Boston: Boston traded D Milan Jurcina to Washington for Washington’s 4th-round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft (Feb. 1, 2007).
  (2) Boston to Calgary, conditional: Calgary traded D Andrew Ference and RW Chuck Kobasew to Boston for D Brad Stuart, C Wayne Primeau and a conditional pick in the 2008 Entry Draft.

Punching beavers in the face!
[If the embedded video does not work for you, try this link instead.