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Category Archives: Frivolous Summer File
Rocking the Red Postcard from Alaska
On the Road Again for Rock
I’m in Hershey amid some Bears’ hard-rockers for the Rush concert in Hershey Stadium tonight. I’ve had good sport with DC Sports Chick the past 24 hours, whose Canuck husband wanted to name their first child Geddy (irrespective of gender) but who herself would prefer a life free of any more Spirit of the Radio. When I learned yesterday that the band would be making their first television appearance in more than 30 years Wednesday night, on The Colbert Report, I made sure she knew right away [Colbert: "The band Rush is here tonight . . . either that or a drum factory exploded in my studio . . . They are the J.D. Salinger of Canadian pro rock."] Then later yesterday the band turned up as one of Yahoo’s most popular search topics. (I informed her of that as well.)
Still later yesterday I found this on YouTube: a 9-year-old gallantly attempting to play Rush’s shimmering new acoustic track ‘Hope’ at a music recital. I suggested to my music-challenged bloggermate that if under-10 youths were finding inspiration still in these Great White North geezers’ tuneage, that that suggested some level of cultural currency and relevancy. When you consider how small this 9-year-old’s hands are, and the relative weakness of his fingers, the recital result is rather stunning — certainly he captures the track’s basic melody :
Master Lifeson performs the adult version of ‘Hope’ live here:
Rush Rocks Red Rocks
This week I made a what I regarded as a sacred pilgrimage to see my favorite rock band. You could say that Rush’s Geddy Lee gave a star performance at Red Rocks this week, but as is the case with each event at the Rocks, the venue is always the evening’s first star.
It was my first visit. The Canadian trio is Gary-Roberts-getting-up-there in chronology (”I don’t like the term ‘old song,’” Lee joked with the Red Rocks throng, “I prefer ‘veteran.’”) and in weighing the travel costs and such associated with an across-the-country trek, I was motivated primarily by a hunch that a Rush concert at Red Rocks was an opportunity that may well not present itself again. I was damn glad I made it.
Too much focus I think is placed on the amphitheater itself — which is stunning — and not on the larger park proper, which is nothing short of a geological marvel and a fabulously isolating and enriching immersion in starkly beautiful and rugged terrain. You really do feel transported virtually onto another planet in this mountain carving of a monument. Two three-hundred-foot-tall rocks, each taller than Niagra Falls, afford perfect acoustics and a mesmerizing backdrop for the shows at Red Rocks.
There are records of public performances on the site that date back more than 100 years, but the amphitheater as it’s generally known today was constructed in 1941.
Geddy Lee on Red Rocks: “It’s an amazing location. One of the most beautiful venues in America . . . or anywhere. I would hazard a guess that it’s one of the most beautiful anywhere.”
I agree.
Amazingly, during the concert’s intermission, I stood at a men’s room urinal next to man who’d also traveled all the way from Washington, D.C., for the gig. I found that both marvelous and fitting of the occasion. There were as well Canadians in no small number in attendance, including a few in Maple Leafs’ regalia; Californians; Texans; East Coasters, Midwesterners; at least one Brazilian (he a new lover of Coors, incidentally); and two couples I chatted up from London. Red Rocks, as you might imagine, has a novel way of luring in a very global crowd for its special gigs. The pre-concert beer swigging up top on the park-sprawling patio affords visitors encounters with travelers from literally around the world.
It’s admittedly elitist of me to express it, but such is the splendor of Red Rocks that at times I found myself silently cursing the pedestrian acts so regularly permitted to perform there. Of course, taste in music is like taste in wine or film or food: necessarily subjective. Still, years back, Rush was welcomed at Radio City Music Hall (for a week) while almost all other rock peers were shunned. Just saying. I imagined a Hall and Oates gig profaning this hallowed place, for instance; please do not comment with any affirming (and weekend-ruining) note of their actually appearing.
This is a great venue for great musicians, and Rush this week at Red Rocks reminded us of their greatness.
I was in row 48, center, and a man to my immediate right earlier in the week had retired from 26 years of duty in the Air Force, and made the trip with his wife from Cheyenne, Wyoming. For some months he’d identified the venture as the first significant act in his retirement. I thanked him for his service to our nation and complimented him on his sense of rewarding leisure. Like me he drank draft beer liberally and believed ‘Subdivisions’ the most stunning of the sets’ songs.
Ominous clouds settled in over the Rocks, and just moments into the set, nine thousand sets of eyes widened over lightning bolts that began belting lower Denver. There were moments when Mother Nature timed the strikes to coincide perfectly with Lee’s piercing vocal pitch. The man-made lighting for the show was impressive, but the natural illumination was both frightening and engrossing. Of that dramatic Rocky Mountain weather: early this last week back East I was vexed with rapidly deteriorating forecasted conditions for greater Denver. But locals are quick to observe of their elevated environs, “If you don’t like the weather, give it 15 minutes.”
Rain made only a light and intermittent appearance. But wild wind whipped through the amphitheater, often shrouding Geddy’s face in his flowing hair but never seeming to hinder his impassioned vocal performance. We 9,000-plus however stood in apprehension for nearly the entirety of the first set as the threat above persisted.
The intermission was the longest I’d ever experienced at a Rush show (30 minutes plus), and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was in deference to the conditions. Mercifully, the storm clouds parted during, and the second set was performed under clear skies and soothing air — Denver earlier that day had seen temps flirting with the middle 90s, but by 9:45 that night we couldn’t have been at 70.
Of course I’m partial to new media, and I knew that non of the old would chronicle the show in newspaper or on TV, despite the fact that about 25 million Rush fans world-wide would have been interested in hearing about so special a gig. So I found great delight in seeing, within hours of the show, video images of numerous tracks from the set posted on YouTube. The evening’s opener, the vintage guitar-riff-ed ‘Limelight,’ can be found here.
For me, Lee was the second star of the night. Overall, the band’s sound was high-tech crystal clear and spectacularly loud — I mean really, really loud. Red Rocks ensures that loud bands sound spectacularly loud there. Lee’s vocals were wonderfully out in front of the mix. He really sang with passion and that piercing emotional pitch the band’s devotees cherish. There was, seemingly, no letup either among the three of them even as their playing stretched past 11:00.
I found it quasi horrific to depart Red Rocks when park staff wanted us all to. The evening had offered up all that I’d hoped, and more, and I found myself emotional in comprehending my great fortune with cooperating weather gods — we easily could have been sky-electrified out of the performance.
I want badly to return Red Rocks, but only for a Rush show.
Dreaming of Puckheads in the ‘Passion Pits’
Are you aware that there is a revival of drive-in movie theaters taking place nationwide? I wasn’t either. But on Monday, ambling up congestion-free roads toward a business appointment and enjoying the pastoral beauty of Rt. 15 toward Harrisburg, Pa., I passed a still-operating drive-in movie theater in Dillsburg. It advertised a current playing of ‘Get Smart.’ Were it not nearly 90 minutes from my home I’d be there this Friday night.
I was stunned. How could VCRs, DVDs, cinema-replicating, massively sized modern televisions, and NetFlix have failed to vanquish our ‘Happy Days’-style of theater experience? How could high-tech, high definition America embrace cinema in surrounded-by-woods sound — in analog un-crispness?
Maybe what goes around actually comes back around in American culture. Who for instance would have thought that American teens would re-embrace skateboards?
Returned home Monday evening, I resolved to research my run-in with this sliver of seemingly archaic Americana. Two excellent web sites chronicling both drive-ins’ history and current status are found with driveinmovie.com and driveintheater.com. One thing seems certain: America’s perception that the theaters had vanquished entirely from our landscape is undermined by the largely rural reality of their staying power. It’s true that you aren’t going to find 50 acres in Fairfax or Montgomery County devoted today to the theaters. It’s also true that the theater numbers nationally are about one-tenth what they were in the experience’s heyday: from a peak of about 4,000 in the early 1960s to around 400 today.
But new ones are being built. Maryland once had 42 such theaters, according to driveinmovie.com. Today she is home to just two, but three new ones (all in Carroll County) are in the planning or construction stages. Virginia has eight of the theaters in operation today. Pennsylvania is a veritable hotbed of throwback cinema: 35 illuminating today’s Friday and Saturday night skies.
But what can possibly account for both the theaters’ residual existence out in the American hinterland as well as its sudden if modest resurgence this decade? NetFlix, after all, mails its movies to Dillsburg.
Perhaps it’s because the theaters are a marvelous confluence of enduring American pastimes: the great symbol of liberty, the automobile; our never-out-of-vogue love affair with big screen film; and teenagers in heat desperate for isolation. Those plots of land, their darkness so enveloping save the screen on the horizon, were the great liberators of hormones. Wikipedia’s summary notes that at their peak popularity media labeled the sites “passion pits.”
By God, Revive, Revive I say!
It’s probably also true that in grand summer weather, like that we’ve had in D.C. early this summer, a lot of folks don’t want to go indoors to see films, especially to the cookie-cutter shopping mall holes in the corners masquerading as theaters.
Interesting to note, I think, that in and around D.C. we do rather robustly celebrate the outdoor film experience. ‘Screen on the Green’ runs on Monday nights on the Mall in July and August, and Strathmore’s outdoor film festival commands a week in August. They’re necessarily a car-less bit of culture, but they do seem to harken back to the spirit of the drive-in.
Drive-in theaters are as American as apple pie and Coca-Cola. If indeed they are on the rebound it’s cause for great celebration.
And if they’re back we’d do well to keep them around, this time for good. It would be wise, perhaps, to update their offerings. Can’t we bring more to the outdoor screens than merely contemporary Hollywood? If next summer you were given a month’s notice of ‘Slapshot’ being screened at a faraway drive-in one Friday night, an event promoted and patronized by Washington’s hockey bloggers and hundreds of their readers, even though you’ve seen the movie 63 times, wouldn’t you consider a 64th viewing then?
And wouldn’t it be swell if we found a way to beam in satellite signals upon the gatherings? And if so, the theater proprietors would appreciate knowing of events that command grand gatherings, in city after city, especially for just single nights.
Shouldn’t we galvanize the surging momentum of the NHL Entry Draft, and in particular the city-specific parties it engenders, and make appeals to the drive-in proprietors next June to host a grand evening for DraftGeeks and pucksheads? Wouldn’t a Friday draft following involving some tasty tailgating, a little tonsil hockey in the dark, and all that first-round trading frenzy super sized onscreen be just about the best-ever draft party?
Victor Hedman, next June’s likely towering top choice, would look very big there indeed.
Bates and the Batty Blogger
Back in February 2007, I wrote a post at my old blog about a woman who called herself “Michael Jordan’s Mistress” because she had one or two encounters with Jordan several years ago when she was living in North Carolina. (My dear friend WonL has a full explanation here of the situation.) This woman has been in the news recently for violating an injunction that Jordan requested; it seems that she was calling and emailing his representatives on a regular basis, demanding child support for her 4-year-old son. (You can read the transcripts of her latest violations, and see the TV interview.) Two DNA tests showed that Jordan wasn’t the father. She hasn’t seen Jordan since 2001; you do the math. She also claims that Alyssa Milano is “cloning” her, “Bee Movie” ripped off her life story, and 9/11 happened because of her.
Now it seems that an ex-Capital has been added to her “Pro Athletes Whose Backs I’ve Washed” list (really, she said that). Yesterday she noted that she’s sweet on “CANADA HOCKEY PLAYER” Bates Battaglia (who, incidentally, is American), and he knows it. Maybe he should give her a call. It’s not like she’s doing anything besides blogging from her parents’ basement, and she’s got some free time before going to jail for ignoring the no-contact order. After all, who doesn’t want a woman who says that the aliens are mad at Jordan?
It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
A Summer of Welcomed Change
Six things about the summer caught my attention as indicators of profound change for the Caps — and arrived as profoundly optimistic in their impact.
(1) Two prominent signings this summer radically reoriented the perception, however superficial and unfair, that D.C. was a hockey deadzone, akin to residing and laboring in an Anbar region among pro rinks. First, George McPhee inked premiere playmaking pivot Michal Nylander, leaving the 2006 Stanley Cup finalist Edmonton Oilers a jilted bride at the free agent altar and occasioning an embarassing tirade and desperation responses from Oil GM Kevin Lowe. Nylander spurned other notable offers, too. Second, Captain Chris Clark, fresh off a career-best 30-goal campaign, and with years of productive hockey still ahead, forsaked free agency next summer and re-upped with the Caps on a three-year deal that will keep him in a red, white, and blue Caps sweater through 2010-11. Within days of the signing he told a conference call of reporters “I want to be a part of it, [of] where we’re headed.”     Â
(2) The team’s Draft weekend uniform unveiling was a marvel of community outreach and engagement. It was a Friday night that won’t soon be forgotten. There was so much anticipation about the uniform redesign itself, but early into the evening long-time Caps’ fans had their thoughts directed at a welcomed and long-overdue reunion with Mike Gartner and others Caps’ greats from the past. The evening gave the organization perhaps its first and best opportunity to showcase Kettler Capitals as a landmark facility. When the team wants to host a special evening for its fans, it can devote one sheet of ice to ceremony and another to fans skating with team members, for instance. Everyone who was involved with the facility’s conception and rise ought to feel as if they’ve revolutionized the experience of local residents interacting with professional hockey up close and in welcoming fashion.
(3) July’s Rookie Development Camp knew no rival in the team’s history as a community event generating a healthy bit of hockey buzz. Bloggers flocked to it. Print beat reporters were pressed into unprecedented coverage. Fans by the hundreds congregated in Kettler’s stands every day of the week-long camp for business-hours scrimmages. And the concluding scrimmage, fully three periods of stopped-clock Saturday night fun, drew a SRO crowd to Kettler.
(4) Team dean Olaf Kolzig, not known for wide-eyed, irrational exuberance, told the Washington Post in late August that “with the team we have in the room right now, we are a playoff team.” Kolzig in fact has been commendably frank in acknowledging the practical realities of the rebuild in real time in recent years, so his State of the Caps Union late this summer should have everyone’s notice, in town and around the league. He also told the Post “We’ve got the makings of being a very good team for a long time.”Â
(5) Caps’ players from around the globe arrived back in town from offseason training conspicuously early, earlier than ever before, eager to get ‘em laced up. I went out to Kettler in early August and ran into Boyd Gordon, and younger and more veteran players have been skating together for weeks. This team is excited about its prospects in 2007-08, and it’s amped to get the season started.
(6) Karl Alzner’s play in the August Super Series has drawn lots of praise; people who previously were slotting him as a good #3 blueliner are now citing his ability to control a game, play in any situation, etc. Sam Gagner ultimately earned MVP honors for the series, but Alzner accumulated a healthy share of MVP talk himself. Now, it’s just one series, and a lot of development still needs to take place with the Burnaby, British Columbia, native, but it’s possible the Caps may finally have themselves a legitimate #1 defenseman in the system. The Caps didn’t make what appeared at the time to be splashy moves or selections at the Entry Draft in Columbus, but they may have departed with a cornerstone blueliner for the next decade-plus.Â
It’s not reflected yet in the broadcast allotments or print layouts of the usual mainstream suspects, but there is profoundly palpable change in the hockey air of D.C. early this fall. Some of it is attributable to the sheer maturation of the Caps’ rebuild — the really rough roads are in the team’s rearview mirror. But increasingly, I believe, there’s been widespread recognition in the new media that “the plan” as it was originally conceived years back by ownership and management has been largely well executed, and that the fruit of its harvest is making for a comparatively sweet September 2007.      Â
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Stirrings of Welcome Change Settling in
I suspect I’m reasonably idiosyncratic in concentrating my Labor Day weekend thoughts on the shortening of days’ sunlight, cooling temperatures, and the setting of the sun on summer’s sporting pursuits. I drove north and west some 400 miles, to a great Great Lake-front reunion with some college chums, and in those environs — low 80s by day, low 50s by night, strong breezes – it was impossible not to sense a change in seasons settling in. Monday afternoon I navigated my way home East by Jeep, meandering through the Pennsylvania and western Maryland mountains. None of the countryside’s leaves of course were yet changing, but the autumnal karma in me seemed to sense that that was delayed by mere days now.
I confess that a trip like this past holiday weekend’s is integral to my general demeanor this time of year. All about me throughout the weekend were audible laments of summer’s swan song, and yet for me the palpable transition was invigorating. I wore bluejeans and sweatshirts as I sipped deck beers and IPod-ded with fraternity brothers and their wives; out on the lake beach each afternoon we basked in soothing sun but never broke a sweat; the kickoff of college pigskin reminded me that the boys of summer were now marginalized a bit in perhaps a sense of shared national pastime.
And in real and great sports towns, I thought, sports page editors of professionalism were summoning their staffs to meetings mapping out strategies of liberal coverage of all of their city’s teams during the busy fall. All of them. Â
Labor Day weekend affords me an ability to cross off three days of hockey-less summer and transition, psychologically, to the teasingly close onset of soon-to-be-skating days at training camp. Memorial Day weekend is soothing in its sendoff of lengthening summer and its clothes-shedding (but also, there is playoff hockey to monitor); July 4 is spirited in its patriotism (albeit steamy). But Labor Day seems to say to the puck-starved: “Ready yourself for the start, soon, of the scrapping in the corners.”
It is, therefore, the favorite summer holiday of OFB.
As if this respite in the upper Midwest weren’t enough to soothe my summer-humidity-sapped spirits, on day one back home, yesterday, the Caps issued their training camp rosters.  Â
Included in my weekend agenda were a pair of golf outings. This was notable for me because about seven or ten years ago I’d abandoned a profitable golfing passion. Once upon a time I could step up onto a first tee and plausibly forecast a round in the high 70s. But as day-consuming time commitments and mortgage-like outlays for regional golf invaded, I grew weary, and impoverished, and simply stored my old blades in the basement. But something about the plottings of this Labor Day weekend occasioned an oversized reigniting of my dormant passion for the links. In mid-August I successfully shopped on eBay for the set of irons I’d always wanted (Mizunos). I stood in my home on evenings the past two weeks and for the first time this decade waggled my new clubs at address positions. It was, in ways only golfers know, exciting.Â
I played this weekend and I played very poorly, but I was grateful to be playing again. My college chums and I talked about future outings, together, in summers ahead, ones laden with banter of the good old days and winks related to the attractiveness of beer cart girls serving us cold ones.      Â
On Tuesday evening an OFB colleague rang me, seeking me as a sounding board for a file he was drafting.
“Where are you, at home or in the office?” he asked.
“I’m at the driving range,” I replied. He was startled. So was I.
As I pounded balls in mildly successful corrective passes on another gorgeous Indian summer night Tuesday I thought again about my renewed passion. Passions, actually. Now is the time to play golf, I thought. In another couple of weeks I’ll be too busy covering training camp, and then next spring, that season of hockey ridicule for a few local columnists (the only time of year they generally mention hockey — to remind us of the local team’s shortcomings), I also expect to be too busy covering hockey — local hockey — to play golf.
So I purchased another bucket of balls. Â
How It’s Made - Hockey Pucks
In honor of Labor Day Weekend, here’s the first in a series of hockey-related videos from the Canadian-produced show How It’s Made. The Science Channel carries the show in the U.S.
Late-Summer Intrigue Among the Forward Flanks
On Wednesday’s CapsReport, a listener asked Mike Vogel to forecast the Caps’ forward line combinations for 2007-’08. That’s always a fun offseason exercise. As you might expect, there were no surprises among Vogel’s top 6. But when he got to the third line MV offered up some intrigue:
Pettinger-Gordon-Steckel.
Matt Pettinger is an established talent in the big league. Boyd Gordon had what certainly appeared to be a breakout year in his professional career last season, admittedly in its infancy. But Dave Steckel? An L.A. Kings’ castoff two seasons ago, earning regular and important minutes on a playoff aspiring club?
You bet.
Steckel earned a richly deserved callup by the Caps late last season after piling up career offensive numbers for the Hershey Bears, and in a game in Atlanta on April 4, sharing a sheet of ice with the likes of Ilya Kovalchuk, Marian Hossa, and Alexander Ovechkin, Steckel stood out as the best player on the ice in all three zones. This is what I wrote about his performance for OFB the following morning:
“The Dave Steckel I watched in Atlanta last night looked identical to the one I followed up in New Hampshire and Maine last month — a force in two ends of the rink, but with one key distinction: he occasionally left the ice in his Bears’ sweater for line changes. But last night for Coach Hanlon, I’m not sure I saw him leave the ice in the third period.
“It was only one game, but in the season within a season, the one where many guys are making statements to management about jobs for the autumn, Dave Steckel last night announced rather loudly that he’s likely to make a serious run at a roster spot with the parent club come training camp.”
Approximately six weeks later, I was seated in the Giant Center press box next to Joe Reekie during the Bears’ postseason run. Once again, Steckel was a standout on the sheet below. With Vogs to my right, it was a press row chock full of Steckel boosters, but Reekie’s reflections on the Bears’ leader really caught my attention: “He should have been a [Caps'] regular last season,” Reekie told me.
Steckel had a lot of folks in D.C. rubbing their eyes wondering if they’d read what they’d actually read in more than a few game accounts last season. He scored five shorthanded goals for the Bears in the regular season, including one against Albany on April 18 while killing a 5-on-3 River Rats power play.
Another thing Vogel may have had in mind Wednesday afternoon was Steckel’s being Boyd Gordon’s linemate during the Bears’ postseason march to the Calder Cup in 2006. They were two of Hershey’s best players then, utilized liberally by Bruce Boudreau in all game situations.
Beyond a real big pro physique and two straight seasons of significant development, Steckel will bring to Caps’ training camp in two weeks’ time a reputation for being one of the best thinkers of the game when he’s out on the ice. He is also fantastic on draws. Vogel may or may not have had that in mind yesterday in his line formations; if he’s right, when Boyd Gordon gets chased out of the faceoff circle this season, he could be replaced by his equal at draws. So two-thirds of the Caps’ third line would be renowned for its strategtic thinking, defensive awareness, faceoff acumen, and trustworthiness in every zone of the ice. And be joined by the significantly talented Pettinger.
In his third full season behind the Caps’ bench Glen Hanlon is going to have as many line combination options as he’s ever had. The most impressive may follow the big guns in the top 6 and join a rich legacy of two-way tormentors that play a huge role in leading the Caps back to league-wide respectability.
Knob Hockey - The Mind of a Goaltender
“No five-hole, no five-hole . . . Oops, forgot about glove.”
The Shooting in the Dark Industry
I greatly appreciate my bloggermate Orderedchaos’ initial survey of preseason prediction silliness. Outside of Entertainment Tonight, there can be little in this world as vacuous and vapid as “experts” engaged in summertime “prognosticating” about the performance of sports teams.
I’m a college football enthusiast, and there are at least a half dozen published preseason magazines on newsstands this month, all offering specific rankings for all 117 D-I college football teams. Each team has 85 scholarship players, with approximately 20 graduating and 20 newly arriving each season. Many returning players markedly remake their bodies over the offseason with increasingly sophisticated and effective physique-altering training regimens. They also mature. There are, additionally, widespread personnel changes among the ranks of teams’ assistant coaches every offseason.
All of these publications have their preseason forecasts put to bed long before players report for physicals for fall camp. In short, the variables of change in college football are staggeringly enormous from season to season, and yet few of them are reflected in these “forecasts.” Still, the editors of these magazines would have you believe that from their New York offices they can accurately, magically divine the fates of nearly 10,000 football players scattered across the country, most of whom they’ve never seen play.
It is with the same skeptical, dismissive eye that we ought to weigh NHL forecasts offered up in summer. These endeavors are franchises of fraud. That Sports Illustrated could label the ‘05-’06 Carolina Hurricanes a lottery loser and then watch them go on to hoist Lord Stanley seven months later should forever preclude the magazine from forecasting again. There’s getting it wrong and then there’s blindfolded dart-throwing. In the case of the ‘05-’06 NHL season, dart throwing would have aided SI.
Now to be fair, the league had been shut down the preceding season by the lockout. But even in the instances of uninterrupted competition, across sports, these forecasts are exercises in little more than slickly marketed, superficial guesswork. And they are unified in their being reliably wrong. They exist because they exploit the sports fans’ enduring and insatiable thirst to know what will lie ahead for their heroes. And they are partly fueled by the troubling intersection of modern sports and high-stakes gambling (on- and off line). The fantastic popularity of fantasy sports participation has also mushroomed the popularity of the forecasting industry.
As mindless diversion for beach chair reading, they do no real harm. But they take on a larger-than-life credibility as their rankings and rationales are echoed about message boards and blogs and picked up and regurgitated by the electronic editions of mainstream media outlets. Hockey in particular ranks among the most difficult of sports to forecast; it is why there’s so little action on it in Vegas. How do you wager on or forecast a goalie standing on his head? On some nights, you know, Kerry Fraser doesn’t bring his best evaluative acumen to the sheet.
The Capitals, a few early prognosticators have weighed in upon, will make only modest improvement in the standings this season over the previous two. They will miss the postseason again, we are told.
Such assessments can only be premised on this variable: the team’s free agents signings were nice or decent but not on the order of rink shattering. But no one can know how Nicklas Backstrom will adjust to hockey in North America on the smaller sheet and over 80-plus games in his rookie season. The difference between his notching say 47 points versus 67 points almost certainly determines the team’s playoff viability, but who is confidently able to tell us which tally will prove true?
Who among the soothsayers knows how much if at all the team is improved in the shootout? Will Kolzig hold up and perform at an elite level for at least say 65 games? And certainly the team’s young blueline must have been judged in a development vacuum, within which none of Steve Eminger, Milan Jurcina, Shaone Morrisonn, and Mike Green could appreciably improve over a year ago . . . else, joined by the improvements up front, the team would have to seriously flirt with the postseason, if not outright qualify.
Hockey, too, has its future shrouded in a marvelous mystery of the unknown impact delivered from abroad. Raise your hand if last summer you saw 40 goals in Alexander Semin’s 2006-07 arsenal. You probably had Petr Prucha down for 30 in his rookie season on Broadway, too. It is North American media offering up these rigid preseason assessments, none with any notion of what impact virtually every team will enjoy from its new imports.
Hockey prose is fine for inclusion in any Labor Day beach reading list, just know that if it’s marketed as new season forecast, it’s fiction.
Avert Your Eyes — Hockey Jersey Mishaps
We’re going to be taking a look at revamped hockey sweaters this week, so let’s start with the bottom of the barrel with some bizarre missteps. It’s just a sampling, by no means comprehensive; we’ve skipped some of the NHL “classic” blunders like the Canucks’ Flying V, the Islanders’ Fisherman, or the California Golden Seals.
Here’s a sour fashion note almost sung in St. Louis — there but for the grace of Mike Keenan (perhaps his best-ever coaching decision):

This Nordiques jersey was nearly ready for the 1995 season, but missed the league deadline for alterations. Yet another example of messing with a classic for no good reason other than, presumably, selling more jerseys; thankfully this one disappeared when the team moved to Colorado the following season.

Even referees are not immune to strange jersey decisions, such as this eye-bending display (complete with what looks like a Post-It note requesting “Fair play… please!”):

We don’t know who these poor players are that wore this rootin’ tootin’ travesty for the Quad City Mallards, but they look none too happy about it:

We complete the oddness odyssey on a high note, with a neat design by artist David Sands for the Ninja Sloths: Silent (and slow) but deadly.

If you can’t get enough information about sports accoutrements, check out Paul Lukas’ Uni Watch, a goldmine for the sports uniform obsessive. For additional hockey jersey mishaps — the minor-league promo entries are truly hideous — check out these posts on the recently-deactivated Sidearm Delivery (R.I.P.).
Rod Brind’Amour as William Wallace?
With the retirement of Mike Ricci, Brind’Amour seems the leading candidate for the, er, most attractiveness-challenged NHLer. I love the old Whalers sweaters in this clip:
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Seeking a Frozen Fountain of Youth
Light a candle tonight for the welfare and recovery of an aged hockey player. I’ve had five days to prepare for my arrival on summer ice among and against a band of contemporary collegiate hockey players, as a beer leaguer who’s literally double their ages. The goal is simple: survive.
There is quality professional summer hockey taking place at Kettler Capitals this week, and across the Potomac, at the Cabin John Ice Rink in Montgomery County, there is quality amateur hockey also taking place, sullied a bit by my presence (a blogger double the age of the collegians). This misadventure is one part morbid curiosity (can I hang at all?) and one part fleeting vanity (do I possess still any moves that might elicit from my youthful ice mates age-dismissing praise?). I also thought it might be fun to chronicle.
Every summer at virtually every rink there are summer camps for hockey youths. This week at Cabin John, the Sport International Hockey Academy is guiding Montgomery youths through their puck paces. “40 hours of non-stop hockey” for ages 6-17 is how the camp advertises its week. The camp’s counselors are comprised of D-II and D-III flatbellies from Northeast colleges; I’ll be attempting to last a mere two hours in their company tonight.
Spending their mornings and afternoons with ankle-biters and many skating novices, the counselors are understandably starved for some serious ice time come evening. They also want to stay in shape. That’s where I come in. I take a Sunday shift at CJ on the Zamboni, and I am empowered with keys to the facility. Weekday evenings there in the summer are pretty much dead by 8:00. See where this is going?
Have I mentioned the advantage of youth these collegians will have on me?
Until this week I hadn’t been on the ice all summer. Worse, my off-ice summer training regimen has consisted largely of lifting draft Vogels. I’ve gone Tkachuk. Last weekend I made two trips to the gym to jumpstart my aerobic qualifications for tonight. But that’s like changing the oil on a ‘78 Chrysler Town&Country for a cross-country cruise to Cali.

On Monday night, I shared Cabin John’s minature studio rink with a beer league teammate, where we tossed the biscuit around a bit and got our feet used to being in skates again. A bit “winded” we were, early on, on that small surface.
Hit the gym again last night. There’s no small victory in these bursts of renewed fitness activity that haven’t already produced injury. I’ve also thrown down a bit of a nutritional gauntlet this week: no Dairy Queen, and wheat tortillas with my burritos. Last Friday night I tried Rolling Rock Light with my home movie viewing. The horror in the bottle was more terrifying than ShowtimeBeyond. (Under the category perhaps of wedding re-gifting, I still have five bottles to donate to any OFB reader.)
The odds are overwhelming, I think, that about 20 minutes into tonight’s skate I’ll be UpTkachuking.
But there’s no turning back. I’m treating tonight as a seminal moment in my hockey career. This autumn delivers one of those calamitous, ending-in-zero birthdays for me, a widely acknowledged crossroads between sun-setting athletic viability and out-to-pasture, well-past-prime leisure pursuits that quietly are lamented by the young in rinks. Tonight I will learn where Coach Life is slotting me on my shifts in 2007-’08: grinding on the fourth line with other grey-hair-eds or still hopping the boards for second power play unit potency.
Refuse and Redeemers
Some summer dreaming: imagine that we can recast — overhaul — that which exists as the lamentable in the contemporary pro sports landscape. It would be within our power to vanquish the hooligans, the record-stealing cheaters, and the greed merchants, all of them, and replace them with clones of quality character, of athletics’ admiration-worthy. One stipulation: we select our replacements from the present or the recent past, to illustrate that there are in uniform better angels already among us. (Just not enough of them) I welcome your additions.
To be silent about today’s status quo is to be complicit in it, no?
| Refuse | Redeemers |
| Barry Bonds | Cal, T. Gwynn, Griffey, Jr. |
| Pac Man Jones | Pat Tillman |
| Michael Vick | Chris Clark |
| Terrell Owens | Tiger Woods |
| Daniel Snyder, Peter Angelos | Ted Leonsis |
| ESPN | TSN |
| Maimi vs. Florida International | Army vs. Navy |
| Michelle Wie’s parents | Alexander Ovechkin’s parents |
| Cincinnati Bengals | Pass Right |
| NBA posse/All Star Weekends | Hershey Bears’ fans, fan roadtrips |
| Bud Selig, Enabling Commishes | Bart Giamatti |
| The Tour de France | The Marine Corps Marathon |
| Modern, lab-generated Olympians | Special Olympians |
| Pacers vs. Pistons | The Beanpot |
| Kornheiser, Wilbon | Most bloggers |
Summer Reading, and Laughing
DJ Gallo, creator of the SportsPickle and writer for ESPN’s Page 2, has some darned funny stuff to say about ice hockey in his book The View from the Upper Deck.
We don’t usually pimp non-hockey products on OFB; but my fiancee gave me Gallo’s book a few weeks ago, and it’s too hysterical not to share. As the Sports Illustrated quote on the book’s cover says, “If The Onion were to go all-sports, it would look like this.”
So if you’re looking for a fun summer read, I highly recommend The View from the Upper Deck. Only thirteen pages or so are devoted to hockey, but even his stories about golf and basketball—two sports I couldn’t care less about—made me laugh out loud. The book is perfect in bite-sized portions, like on the Metro, or while “indisposed” after a big meal.
Here are a few of the book’s hockey-related player profiles, to whet your appetite:
Patrick Roy . . . demanded to be traded from the Habs in 1995 after being left in the game for the first nine goals of a 12-1 loss—apparently because he didn’t want to play on a team with a goalie bad enough to allow nine goals in less than two periods . . . Roy retired from hockey after the 2003 season to dedicate his time to the Patrick Roy Foundation, a charity organization that works to help children throughout the world mispronounce the letter R.
Alexander Ovechkin . . . built a reputation for netting awe-inspiring goals, some of which almost made it onto sports highlights shows in the United States. Fun Fact: Ovechkin doesn’t distribute the puck much for being one of these “share everything” Commie pinkos.
Peter Forsberg . . . a dominant force in the twelve or thirteen games he manages to make it through each year without getting hurt . . . He was originally Philadelphia property, but the Flyers made the extremely brilliant move of trading him to Quebec in 1992 along with Ron Hextall, Steve Duschesne, Kerry Huffman, Chris Simon, Mike Ricci, two first-round draft picks, and $15 million for Eric Lindros and a neurologist to be named later.
Gallo skewers every sport imaginable with similarly incisive wit. I particularly enjoyed articles like “Yankees Purchase Naming Rights to Fenway Park”, “Zero-car Pileup Mars NASCAR Race”, and the cringe-inducing headline “Muhammed Ali Bobblehead Doll Seen As Inappropriate”.
The author lists reasons to buy the book on his website, including this ringing self-endorsement: “I’m not one of those web writers who compiled a bunch of stuff you already read online for free, put it in book form and then asked you to re-read it all … but this time at your own cost … That’s not really writing a book. That’s having a printer, some glue, and greed. I have all three, but I don’t plan to completely rip you off until at least my third or fourth book.”
If this seems like your cup of tea, you can purchase the book pretty much anywhere. And no, I’m not getting a kickback (dare to dream); I’m just happy to spread the word when I stumble across something worthwhile. Enjoy!
Missing the Big Catch on TV
By pure coincidence I picked a marvel of a week to bring high definition television into my home: it’s “SharkWeek” on the Discovery Channel. 2007 marks the program’s 20th anniversary, and over the course of its two decades of mid-summer mayhem it’s matured into one of summer’s most must-see series, a festival of prime-time, often terrifying drama in the deep blue. A (well-made) scary movie buff, I watch the Discovery suspense series faithfully each July with a similar sense of morbid curiosity: See the tropical isle spear fisherman or Aussie charter boat captain in headshots, and wait with dread for the camera to pan down to the inevitable missing limbs.
(Last summer’s “SharkWeek” celebration was memorably marketed at Discovery’s headquarters in Silver Spring.)
Two qualities have emerged in recent years that have heightened the already high tension associated with the series. One is the dramatic improvement in marine image capturing, rendered in vivid detail, as you might imagine, in high def TV. The other is what appears to be a maverick breed of marine biologists, who gleefully gallop about bull- and tiger shark-infested waters, wholly unprotected, in delusionally suicidal escapades to prove that the man-eaters actually mean us no harm.
Sleep with snakes, swim with sharks . . . there’s a Darwin Award here for these guys. Of course, their new-age cameras now capture the predictable carnage. Last night, mercifully removed from dinner by hours, I witnessed one such knucklehead have his leg sawed off by a bull shark and Australia go into virtual fiscal crisis as he was helicoptered and jet-planed across his homeland and New Zealand for life-saving treatments. Some of these scientist men today missing their calves and forearms remain convinced of a benign nature they ascribe to the planet’s greatest predators. I keep expecting them to mimic Monty Python’s limbless medieval gallant (”It’s just a flesh wound”) (pounds of flesh lost) as they narrate the aftermath of their attacks.
Like ‘Jaws’ in the summer of ‘75, “SharkWeek” 30 years later captivates no small segment of our culture. The enduring appeal of both is premised on a perfect storytelling simplicity: nature’s most magnificently engineered hunting machine (who also happens to be ferocious) coming into rather regular contact with humanity’s insatiable appetite to recreate in oceans. This is reality TV!
Years ago, someone high up in Discovery Communications, long after the buzz over ‘Jaws’ had quieted, brought America back into this basic drama of the sea’s unknown environs and its lethal lurkers. Each July the basic story remains, but we keep coming back to it. Last night as I again watched the dorsal fins close in, transfixed, I had this thought: someone high up in NHL communications needs to boldly dive in to the deep end of television broadcast experimentation and get our great game — the greatest game — revitalized so as to showcase its basic and unrivaled and ageless allure. For too many Americans, the hockey rink is every bit as unknown an environs as the deep sea. And like the sea, the rink is regularly the site of remarkable predation. (Hah.)
Remember during the elation of the lockout’s end and the anticipation of the game’s return how we were promised bold new broadcast initiatives? Where are they? Other than perhaps some trivial technological tinkering, what’s changed? To the common TV viewer, nothing. If marine biologists can find ways to broadcast the migration patterns of Great Whites 2,000 feet deep in the Pacific, can’t a hockey puck and its pursuit be better chronicled than it currently is? Of course it can. 
We who from our own experiences with hockey know it to be the best-kept secret in all of sports arrive at that judgment not because we haven’t visited baseball diamonds or soccer pitches but precisely because we have. Last year Ron Weber told me that on a first visit to an NHL rink a newcomer can often experience sensory overload, and be confused by hockey’s idiosyncratic rules (personnel changes on the fly, for instance). But give the guest three visits and Weber’s guidance “and I can get him hooked on hockey for life . . . he’d never want to attend another basketball game,” he added. It’s so true.
I say the vitally needed television revolution can happen, this decade, and I believe that there are people today in possession of the vision to carry it off. But the NHL has no discernible leadership for such a communications overhaul, certainly not from Commissioner Bettman. Concurrently, there’s a chilling climate of disincentive to upgrade hockey’s broadcast experience from the usual broadcast outlet suspects. Inertia rules the day. But some day, perhaps soon, some communications tycoon is going to recognize the potential in the hockey rink’s expanse for a riveting winter’s night narrative in high definition, and he’s going to underwrite the revolution.
Does Discovery have any high-ranking hockey fans?



























