Em Blog Frozen

The hockey-less heat of August provides one welcome relief for the NHL fan: freedom from the often egregious and grotesque officiating of NHL referees.

Though no stripe-clad man is currently jobbing the Capitals, we can still use this time to hone our taunting skills. Bellowing at refs is a long-standing tradition . . . and sure, there’s a homer’s bias to whether a given call was really botched, but the primal scream therapy of berating officials can release the pent-up steam accumulated as referees seemingly hand games to your team’s opponents.

Many clever and occasionally cringe-worthy insults have been hurled at hockey officials, though as my friend’s two-year-old son showed at a Capitals game a couple years back sometimes simple is best:

We’ve provided a few favorite/classic taunts below. I overhead my [Mike's] personal favorite about 6 years ago in Section 426, shouted in impressively loud fashion by a woman who was at least 70 years old if she was a day: “Hey ref — you must be pregnant, ’cause you’ve missed three periods!”

How do you let the refs know their job performance is sub-par? Or what’s one of your all-time favorites you’ve overheard? Omit the profanity (feel free to use the %*#$ing symbols if need be) and please no racist/homophobic/etc. insults . . . but even within those guidelines you still have plenty of room to share delightfully dastardly taunts with your fellow readers.

We’ll select two favorites among the submissions and award each winner with an OFB goody. Help us fill out the list to a Dirty Dozen. Submissions accepted until 5:00 PM Eastern on Monday, August 11 — so taunt early, taunt often!

• If you had another eye you’d be a cyclops!
• Save a Deer: Shoot a Zebra
• Hey ref — you must be pregnant, ’cause you’ve missed three periods!
• Have another doughnut! (courtesy of Jim Schoenfeld)
• BULLLLL-SH*T! (Hershey Giant Center version)
• Bend over and use your good eye!
• Hey ref, I thought only horses slept standing up!
• I hope you die in a fire! (overheard in Philly, of course)
• I’m blind, I’m deaf, I want to be a ref!
• Hey ref, I’m leaving with your wife — even she’s disgusted with you.
• ________ (add yours as a comment)

And if you don’t wish to rely on Lady Luck (or our fickle judging) for OFB loot, feel free to check out our store.