On Frozen Blog

Rivalries are fun. I enjoy shouting at the Penguins and their fans; booing Li’l Danny Briere; mocking Rangers supporters and their overpaid players. Reveling in Schadenfreude when rivals and their fans fail is part of being a sports devotee. But I try‚Äîand usually, though not always, succeed‚Äîto remember that rivalries should be entertaining, and are not worth the toll that actual hatred would extract upon me.
I’d written this article and planned to post it regardless of Thursday’s outcome in Pittsburgh. Sure, when presented after a Capitals victory in Mellon Arena it’s a bit more effective, since if the Caps had lost it might have seemed more like an attempt to ameliorate a crushing defeat. But while this victory is a huge step forward for the Capitals‚Äîmore mentally, for beating a consistently tough foe, on the road, with four straight goals, than for the 2 points‚Äîit should be an occasion for Capitals fans’ joy more than bile and negativity directed at their foes.
Boosting the importance of one team’s well-paid athletes too much higher than another’s is itself a losing proposition; after all, with rare exceptions (Ovechkin comes to mind) fans root for a team more than individual players. Matt Cooke and Sergei Gonchar are Penguins now, even though we rooted whole-heartedly for them when they wore the Weagle (or Eagle, or Dome). Huet was the hero of Capitals fans a mere 7 months ago, yet now those same fans revel in his shaky performances with a heartfelt “I told you so” simply because he wears a different jersey. And yes, tonight I was furious when Malkin crushed Semin into the boards with that dirty hit‚Äîbut his actions spawned my anger much more than the fact that Malkin had a flightless fowl stitched onto his sweater.
With that in mind, I urge you to read this hysterical and classic article from The Onion that puts sports rivalries in their proper place . . . and that place is on a high pedestal, so that we may more easily throw rocks at them. Rivalries are terrific as motivation, and they sure can be fun; and sometimes, individual players do something that justifiably earns opposing fans’ scorn or loathing. But one shouldn’t let rivalries become hatred solely based on jersey color.
An Onion-y excerpt for your enjoyment that illustrates just how easily these rivalry-based boasts are applicable to any team (except perhaps the Detroit Lions), and therefore of dubious value:

When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.
I would not be a bit surprised if the individuals on the team from your area were sexually attracted to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of battle.
If you need another reason why the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men’s magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I’m afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.