On Frozen Blog

This essay is addressed to those readers who feel betrayed by summer, and specifically, that the arrival this month of humane, universally appealing, and temperate conditions is an act of short-circuiting Mid-Atlantic misery by Mother Nature.
What is wrong with you?
Would you have us believe that our opened windows and naturally ventillated homes are inferior to artificial refrigeration pumped in by costly utilities? It would appear that the region’s mosquitos and knats have interpreted this month’s climatic changes as a cue to get out of cooled-down Dodge. Do you miss them?
I’ve noticed not a single Air Quality Index Advisory issued by Bob Ryan this month. Shouldn’t we celebrate that?
Imagine the lottery-winning fortune of tourists now in town. They consented to the normally suicidal act of¬†August tourism in¬†Washington because travel agencies offer deals during our deadly season. They’re here now and think themselves in upper Alberta. They’re here clogging our commuting trains each day, but their temerpamental brood among them are cheerful and (largely) obedient. This is weather-related. The men of the families are still found in sandals and socks, but this August it’s defensible — it’s too chilly for bare piggies.
Happier tourists are liberal with their wallets, which is obviously good news for the region’s economy.
Because it’s August, which delivers a congressional recess, this summer we’re actually liberated from two sets of hot air.
Of course it remains warm enough to recreate as we customarily want to in summer; it’s just that golf, tennis, bicycling, backyard barbeque-ing, jogging, sunbathing, Wrangler-ing topless, and walking outdoors holding the hand of your sweetie is sweeter in such air. Traditionally the region’s children cannot fly kites down on the Mall, as the aircraft cannot ascend through the swamp-moist saturation pulverizing us under blazing sun. This August there are¬†reports of the kiddies and their¬†kites being carried away by the soothing breezes.
Fans at Nats’ games — I saw them this week — can be seen¬†outfitted in the new Caps’ uniform system tops (admittedly the radically adjusted, breathable replacements that Reebok had to engineer in the middle¬†of last season, because the original design was hated by every member of the Capitals) at the ballyard.
One can go camping in the region¬†this August and at night sleep inside a sleeping bag. And it is not so cool that secluded camping trips can’t accommodate impulsive skinny dipping. I would join the condemnation of cold fronts then.
We can still wear shorts this month — many are. But we can also wear bluejeans. This you might call fashion diversity. Diversity is our strength, isn’t it?
I am sympathetic to the elderly, and our elderly readers, who might point out that the truly viscious heat aids their brittle and life-battered joints. But to them I would ask, why can’t you be more like the Canadian elderly, who just pop a couple of Advil and get¬†back out to their shinny and snow-shoveling?